watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
