Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize