I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
