Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
