Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need a beard to bite.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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