I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
