Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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