it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.