ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK