I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?