im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.