it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.