hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
