PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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