Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
