College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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