he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
