come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
