Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
