You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
