If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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