you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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