So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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