So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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