The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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