Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
