remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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