I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
