im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't deserve a penis
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
