my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
