did you get engaged???
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
