I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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