I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
