I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
