I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
