do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
