Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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