Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
