New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
