Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
