How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
