Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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