my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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