I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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