Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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