No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i can't believe i had my finger in that
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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