I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
