yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
