You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize