u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had to cum in my sink.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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