I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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