I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
