I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
