Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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