i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The Olympian is in my bed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
