So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
