how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The convent might be a nice break from real life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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