I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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