The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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