plz talk dirty to me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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