Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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