Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize