You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
