I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All the doctor said was why
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
