ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
