Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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