My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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