apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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