My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
